Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
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