u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I wannas sexs uuuuu
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
