You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Randomize
