he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
