It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
