shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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