How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Randomize
