i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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