Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Randomize
