So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize