I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
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