end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
