no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
