then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Randomize
