Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
