Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Drunk is a universal language darling
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
