btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Randomize
