Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
