You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Floor bacon is actually really good
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