I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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