Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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