I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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