tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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