then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
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