I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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