I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
