pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
