Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
