I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
