Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
