You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
