just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Randomize
