Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
