the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
