awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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