That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
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