in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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