I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
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