Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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