so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
