the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize