idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
