he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
