just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
