Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
