Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
