before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
