I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
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