You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
