So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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