I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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