I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
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