i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
