so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Randomize
