Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
the liver wants what the liver wants
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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