your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
