I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
