I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Randomize
