Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
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