Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
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