you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Randomize