if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
