I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Randomize
