I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
This toilet bowl is my home.
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