Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
