he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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