im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
