she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Randomize
